The 5 Senses of India

Around this time last year, I started seeing a therapist for my anxiety. My mental health struggles were something that made me, well anxious, in the months leading up to this trip. I couldn’t shake the fear of having a full-blown panic attack halfway around the world. As much as I disliked therapy, I did learn one handy tactic for when I start to feel overwhelmed and hysterical. My practitioner told me to take a few breaths, then run down the five senses – sight, smell, taste, sound, and feel – and mentally list everything I was experiencing in that moment. The exercise would force me to shift focus and, if only for a few minutes, center myself in the present.

From the day I landed in India, everything was different. Different living arrangements, different friends, a different job, different languages, a different Uber app…even the back of my hand looked different from the marks of different bugs who decided to get a taste of my different flesh. And with all the excitement these differences brought, there was also the shadow of anxiety as I was making all types of adjustments, consciously and subconsciously, to my new and different lifestyle.

So there were many instances where, to keep my sanity, I took the time to inhale, exhale, and think, “I see this…I smell this…” Not only did I find some reprieve from the panic, going through this ritual, sometimes two or three times a day, really grounded me in this new country. It allowed me to notice parts of India that I probably wouldn’t have valued otherwise. As I approached the final weeks of my fellowship, I found myself trying to hold onto the sensations that marked my time in India.

I Saw…

Endless green spaces, foreign flowers, dogs napping in the street, women carrying rocks on their head, vehicles too close to my own, people languishing on the street, electrical wires hanging from trees, scenic beaches, inordinate amounts of street waste, blissful children, indescribable mountain views, spikey produce, sunlight glittering on the water

I Smelled…

Car exhaust, fried bananas, body must, roasting corn, jasmine, warm sea air, urine, crisp mountain air, raw herbs and spices, cigarette smoke, burning trash, incense, rose water, charred coconuts, fish rotting in the hot market, feces – human and animal, freshly brewed chai, my supervisor’s perfume, lemongrass oil

I Tasted…

Boiled rice, plantain chips, salty ocean mist, local Indian beer, the coating of my malaria pills, tulsi tea, warm paratha, juicy mangos, exotic masala, whole green chile, rosemary chocolate, infused liquors, candied fennel seeds, fleshy baby coconut, betel leaf paan, syrupy gulab jamun, spicy hot lentils, shortbread cookies, mineraly mountain water

I Heard…

Prayer bells, indistinct chatter in Hindi or Tamil or Kannada, my neighbors arguing, cats fighting in the night, religious chanting, calm nothing in the mountains, birds singing, canoes paddling through the river, women beating laundry, cars honking, chaat crunching in my mouth, rushing waterfalls, banging from construction

I Felt…

Warm monsoon rains, the hand of an overly-familiar coworker, my scarf around my neck, cold showers, unyielding humidity, drops in the sidewalk, misty mountain air, hot marble on temple floors, my work bag weighing on my shoulders, warm massage oil, every spring and lump in my hotel bed, condensation forming on a cold cup of juice

And I am thankful that in a few months, when I’m worrying about an exam or deadline, I can take a breath and remember the impression India left on me.

प्यार से,  Rai

Being Fat in India

I have never been made so aware of my weight in my entire life! However, I am thankful that I was taught to practice self-love and body acceptance at a very young age otherwise these comments and experiences may have brought me down. There are a few situations that stick out to me, that I thought were pretty hilarious.

1) I was not feeling well a few weeks ago, and I walked into a store asking for throat lozenges/cough drops, and a sells clerk immediately took me to the diet supplements section. I laughed because the young lady spoke English very well and understood what I was saying… To this day, I’m still not sure why we ended up in the diet section.

2) The first few days I got to India a kind man, his wife and daughter invited Raigon and me to travel with them to Mysore. The kind man had a round belly but felt the need to point out my weight. He told us that he had already rented a five seater car with a driver, then looked my way and said, “if you come we will need a seven seater because you are so big.” He did not acknowledge the fact that six people can not fit into a five seater, I laughed and went on about my day. I also politely declined their invitation.

3)I went to eat lunch with some friends, and they made a point to talk about how heavy I am while at the table. They also suggested that instead of ordering dessert like everyone at the table, I should order a cup of green tea because it’s healthy. I laughed and said, “I like my size, and it just so happens to be none of your business.” This comment shut them down, and we continued to enjoy our food and DESSERT!

4)Every time I am full or only take a few bites of food because my mouth nor my stomach can take Indian spices at times, people ask me if I am on a diet. This comment always makes me chuckle because I guess folks think just because you are fat you are supposed to eat everything all the time.

Anyways, these comments have been a very tiny part of my adventures in India. I am thankful to my mother who taught me to love myself – because these comments could have made me cry instead of laugh. I am more than just my weight I am funny, intelligent, beautiful, hard working and very kind. Oh and check out some pictures of me below!

My elephant friend, Lakshmi!!

Sitting on rocks in Auroville!

My travel buddy and I at Lalbagh Botanical Gardens in Bangalore!